I'm drunk and I doubt....

Tomorrow it's St patrick....

And tomorrow I'm off BUT some guys are coming to work at the appartment....

replacing our window and fix the bathroom and our doors...

I'm drunk tonight.... I drank some white wine and I doubt about what I have to do....

I'm doin' quite everything in this appartment...

and I get nothing back except mess and critics.....

the list :

- The cleaning

- Washing up

- Cooking

- Laundry

- Take car of the cat

- deal with the owners

- hooving

- and the grossery 5 days a week ( understood that on sunday every supermarket are closed)

---> Cause I finish earlier ... but I start working earlier too.... and I've no car yet.... what should I do!?

about 2 weeks ago he told me I wanted to break up and the next day he apologized and now he is acting like he told nothing....

but I can't do likewise... All he told me stay in my mind: I'm too jealous, I'm disgusting, hysterical, paranoîac and Unattractive...

It hurted me....

So now I'm acting like nothing could hurt me anymore but everything hurts me.....

More than before.... the tiniest note about an actress push me to think I'll never be attractive.

that night when He told me everything, He mentionned that we have to try for 6 months and asked me not to talk about the future....

But about 1 week later he started to talk about babies and house again.... it hurts me cause I feel like we won't get those together... if i'm unattractive and all he told now, how could I be different in six months or one year?

So I shut up and do everything for him... but I'm tired...yes I'm tired to be the housekeeper... i'm worst than a desperate houswife.... or housmaid as I'm not married....

I have a work.... and with all the things to do I have no social life!

I'm not jealous anymore cause I'm in the carpe Diem state of mind ,and I'm not afraid to lose him

And now he is not happy about that.... he tells me it's because i'm not loving him anymore... but it's not true... I just don't beleive in us..... completly....

I live with the "Damocles 's sword" upon my head....and I'm not sure my psychologic state will be safe after that trap....

I'm dead Inside....